#022 – You fought hard to get out of or through the obstacle… now what?
April Tribe Giauque – author, speaker, educator – follows up last week’s epic story of escaping abuse with this week’s triumph on what comes next.
- How do you go from survivor to victor?
- How do you find the strength to let go of a past determined to hold you back?
- How do you grow into the best version of yourself?
April shares more of the lessons she learned in this week’s episode.
Thank you for listening and please share the link.
Joe Pomeroy 0:04
Hey everybody, welcome to part two of my interview with April Tribe Giauque. In part one April shared about her life being infected by what she calls the three poisons pleasing, performing and perfecting. She shared how those poisons impacted her and led her into a life of darkness and abuse. Then she shared how she created a plan to escape that darkness and move forward into light. At the end of the interview, April and I began discussing connections between personal and professional abuses. We're going to fast forward beyond my story and begin Part Two with answers that April gives on how we can move through the different stages to go from being a victim to thriving in life. So without further ado, here is part two of my interview with April Tribe Giauque.
Joe Pomeroy 1:02
How can I? And how can our listeners let go of that point go from? Yes, I want to share. Yes, I'm thriving. How do I get to that next step.
April Giauque 1:12
So that next step into true forgiveness, you won't be able to do it by yourself you do need to rely on and I rely on my heavenly father and my Savior Jesus Christ. If people in your audience don't rely on that, but rely on something else that might be, you know, a higher power to them. You have to take that into account. You cannot do this by yourself, because there will still be the smallest bit of that shame shadow that'll pull you back down and start to fester. That whole concept of I did it and it's in your face. True. Forgiveness means it's absolutely hands off, you let go and you can actually walk away from it. And it doesn't cause the pain. It doesn't cause the anguish. It doesn't cause any more of the revenge. It's done. So as simple as it sounds to lead It Go, that is the first step. But sometimes our, you know, talents, our claws or whatever are in so tight, we have to have another person and that's what I'm talking about with the Savior actually like prying our fingers out of it. It takes time. But ultimately, through the gift that he's given us, through the atonement through the sacrifice of himself, that's the power we draw on. That's the yoke we're yoked with. And when we rely it on him say, you know, I'm yoked with the Savior. Are you kidding me? He's got this thing. I'm just kind of standing by him he's carrying though load. So of course, my burden is light. I when it comes to that piece of truly letting go and forgiving, you look at the other person with love. Now, some people that are in the victim stage will say, but I love him, but I love him. That is not what we're talking about. That's a dependency. That's a habit. That's something different. When you truly truly love someone, you can actually watch them go through a justice system, you put in prison, I mean the horrible things that they go through, you still offer love to them, you can still pray for them. And you don't have any of that twinge of darkness. What I love about this is when when we face light, our shadows cast behind us, we have a choice to stay in the light, face it, or turn behind us and look at the shadow. Being a victor understands that that shadow always be behind us, always because the light is shining in front of us. So just by physics, the shadow will be cast behind a true Victor. If they look back, they look back out of a reference point. But they don't feel encompassed by the shame, the pain, the anguish and the fear anymore. It's truly gone. You're truly out of your comfort cage. And that cage that held you in from fear, pain and shame. You've actually Completely stepped away from it. And of course, we have our own little cages and shame page, whatever, depending on whatever event happened. But with this, you'll reach a point. And it's really letting it go and giving it to the Savior. And suddenly, one day you'll wake up and you'll search for that pain, you'll search for that revenge, you'll search for that. I just want to, I won't be there anymore. So there, there's no magic to it. But the first step is truly to give it to someone else, and then not revisit it, but truly start to walk away and, and step forward into that light.
Joe Pomeroy 4:36
It's a great reminder to because how many business owners how many entrepreneurs, how many would be entrepreneurs, how many marital relationships, just individuals on this planet that have a belief in a higher power. And like you that higher power for me is Jesus Christ. But whether whatever that higher power is, even if it's just this idea of some unknown being in the universe, whatever that is, we'll hold a belief in a higher power, but then either do not seek the support of do not offer reliance on that higher power to provide, in this case forgiveness and healing in a marriage communication understanding in any even in business. I mean, it's, if I get my email platform set up, if I get the right copy for my sales page, if I get the right cover for my book, like all of that stuff, and it's me, me, me these things I have to do. Mm hmm. And yet it still comes back to allowing that infinite higher power to lead well, and we follow so we're facing the light like you spoke to. I love that. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay, so now let's get into the business aspect of things. And let's talk about the fear concern that I think holds a lot of people back from pursuing something beyond what they're currently doing to actually pursue that passion. And that is something you mentioned, where, as an independent contractor building these custom homes, this massive radical stress that your ex carried, that essentially became a trigger. And, and how he handled that stress was through highly unhealthy means. So if I want to start a business, and I'm worried about the stress of that business and how it might impact my marriage, how it might impact myself, What are things that can be done to prevent and or minimize that and or handle unhealthy ways to get all that?
April Giauque 6:41
I think I think I did. I definitely recommend that this this has to be agreed upon that it's going to be a type of a team effort, though that doesn't mean that one person is going to do all this stuff and this other person is going to do all that stuff and they'll return a report. You find what your strengths are within In it, you find when is it best that I have to do my venting? Like I had this client today and it just drove me crazy. And you have to be really open in the communication to say, okay, books closed or computer down. Can I vent for 10 minutes? Do you have the time? Yes, I have the time. And you do the vent and you say this is not about you. This is not about anything else. I just have to hear myself talk out loud. But I always try to qualify that for say, I need a little vent time for a second. This is not about you. This is about what I'm trying to get through. Can I hear myself talk? Yes. Okay. And then I go into whatever it is. So be really open in that that part of the communication. never feel like you can be the Don't be the hero in your business. Because being the hero in their business. Almost all heroes are individuals that you know, some people they only have a sidekick. And what does the sidekick do? Maybe hold open the door like they are like they're in charge of everything right? So don't be the hero in your business. If you if the two of You're doing whatever it is like my husband does a whole bunch of stuff on audio visual work. Now, do I understand any of the technical aspects of it? No, Hello, I am there to be somebody as a sounding board, because he really just needs to hear his words out loud versus banging around in his head. So he's like, do you have a minute and like, yep. And as he starts talking through it finds a solution. And off he goes, and I'm like, I was easy.
Joe Pomeroy 8:22
glad I could help.
April Giauque 8:24
So it's, it's like that on both on both ends. But don't ever be the hero in this thing. Like, okay, I'm going to be in control of this. And I'm going to have this thing here. And I'm going to talk to the people and say, talk to your spouse, talk to your business people. These are the things that that I can see, this is what I'm going to miss what my plan is, I need to have the round of the board to know, you know, this, and I need your opinion, I need your opinion. I'm not going to make a decision. But I need to listen to the aspects of of what it is. So you hear at all and you say, I'm going to take some time to think about everything that was presented, and we're going to adjourn this meeting right. We Cuz I think if we have, if you've set it up in a pattern like that, it really helps. Because emotions are part of how we deliver everything. We cannot separate the emotion of things. And sometimes in business, especially when we're getting into meetings, the emotion thing starts to flare up. And three hours later, the meeting is finally over, but we hadn't accomplished anything. And at the same time, it can be really abrupt to say, let's table that, let's put a pin in that. But that can also feel abrupt. So prior to anything starting to say, this is going to have a lot of high emotions. I only have 10 minutes. So I need to get through these two things. And I know we're not going to be finished by 430 with a solution. This is just going to be something like I need to share and I need to hear in this timeframe, then we're going to come back I would much rather have three separate meetings half hour apiece, than an hour long meeting of just crazy emotion. And that the end we're all like, ah, I need some yoga, right? I mean, it's You know, I was going somewhere healthy there, right? I need some yoga, I need a walk, I need water, whatever. So do those kinds of things also with, with the the sense of mean, making your healthy choices, talk where your weaknesses are, if you know that your spouse has struggles, and when they get triggered, maybe they're emotional eaters or whatever. You don't have to be the policeman like ripping out the Twinkie out of their hand or whatever, right? You, you can say, wow, I can see that you're really stressed. I'm here to listen, if you would like to talk versus, you know, wanting to eat something at this moment, you know, you offer them support and help. Are you gonna mess up? Yes. And that's okay. That's part of all of this give and take and forgiveness. So I think if we can be authentic to know that, you're not going to be perfect at this, where people people mess up. We just mess up. If that can be the underlying thing. Like I'm going to probably mess this up. But no, I'm here, and I'm trying to Maybe there should be a plaque somewhere. Something where no, it's it's going to be okay. Yeah, but really that that's ease of all this is that communication, openness? No, you're gonna mess up? No, you can say you're sorry, own it and keep taking action.
Joe Pomeroy 11:18
Yeah, if there's any potential entrepreneur out there anybody that thinks, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna start building a business and side hustle, I'm going to add an additional 20 hours to my full time, you know, work to my work week to build my side hustle, I'm still doing my full time job. You can't go into that with the expectation that everything is going to be sunshine and roses. But if you go in with it, I one of the things I noticed about what you shared too, is that there's a communication at the beginning. Start, you know, what can we do to be on a team? How can we do this together? What are some boundaries that we're going to set? What are some needs that you have, and how can I communicate in a healthy way to eat to address those needs and and vice versa, that those things happen at the beach. Getting, and they happen throughout throughout. It's not a it's not a one time, you know, the light switches on and suddenly now we exist in light. Like that's not how this works you know, it's that you talked about that shame shadow that that's something that follows you that that's consistently there. So I love that. Alright, so now let's talk about the three poisons perfection performing and pleasing and with everything that you're doing and that that what you've learned I mean going back to my story with my my old boss and saying, Wow How did I not see that so you know all these things you know about these poisons? Have you still struggled with them at times in building your business?
April Giauque 12:42
Of course, of course, because it's a so I'm really good at Okay, I can see these these patterns and these things happening here and learn how to within this parameter within this dynamic. I know what to do within these realms, something new. Sometimes my brain like completely checks out and I'm like don't know anything, oh wait, I can still apply what I figured out in this particular you know, pigeonhole or realm. I can apply those things to here. I know that I'm going to have learns, okay, I don't talk about failures, but I talk about learns, oh, learn something there, learns, well really learn something there. So if you go into it with the learns, and it's so much better. Now when, when we have those opportunities, of failure of whoops of mistakes, have learned, learn from it, and apply the things to it. It does, you know, good, too, if you figured out how to not beat yourself up in these types of, let's say, let's say when it comes to body image, you no longer beat yourself up. When it comes to your relationship with your husband, you no longer you know, beat yourself up on the perfection, dah dah, dah, dah. But on my business, oh, I'm going to put those I'm going to drink those three things every single day. Oh, what have you learned nothing. You have to apply it to each aspect of it. Have a conscious awareness of it to be like, uh, I think I'm feeling like I need to have a lot of performance going on whoops. Let's just take a check mark here and take a you know, take a look back, step back and say, What can we do to improve on this and call back on the same? It'd be like, I think I'm getting too big for my britches, can you help me keep serving the people who I need to serve. Without overstepping I want to be the person that I'm, I'm helping them come with because I'm not a sage from the stage. I'm still learning, I'm going to be ever learning. And I feel that if I am in that ever learning place, then truly I will be gaining the skills that will help me reach the potential that I want to do.
Joe Pomeroy 14:43
And again, and this is this is another recurring theme. You can learn these principles and start applying them to each area of your life. a singular principle applies to multiple areas. And that's my jam, your speaking my jam, but it's not it is never a one time real. ization and now I'm perfect at it. I mean, it's when you're when a child's learning how to walk, you know? So my oldest child, she took her first step. And then she stumbled and fell. And I said, Well stay down. You didn't do it perfectly. Don't bother getting back up. We don't do that with others. Let's not do that with ourselves. So one, one, we don't give up. We learn, we figure out what it is. But everybody, this is going to take a consistent effort. So how and again, that principle forgiveness comes into play, too. We have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Oh, yeah. All right. So Third thing, and this is something that the guest I had on two weeks prior to this one he talked about, he was speaking specifically for men because he's like, I, you know, women may go through this too. But I know for me as a man, that we often equate our value with the amount of income that we bring in. And that at the income is an increase in year to year then there's something wrong with us. So now from you, I can now go Okay, well, he says men do that and I know for my experience It's meant that and you're saying, Okay women do that. So, we all do this, there is an element of how much love I deserve, or I am what is directly related to how much I produce. So a beautiful, powerful, gross cry, dirt socks were clean now they're dirty because he used him as tissues story shared with with that baby and the baby's done nothing and feels infinite and the parent feels infinite love. How do we apply this to business?
April Giauque 16:33
So how I feel like we apply it to business is Who are you serving? Who are your clients, if you're only in the business, because you're afraid of, let's just say that if you have an income problem and you've gone into business to create the income, you're still gonna have that income problem because you're not serving your clients. So this love equates over to who you're serving. Now there are going to be you know, scoundrels out there. That Or you know, the the used car salesman, right? They don't really give a care or whatever. But if you're really going into business to try and help someone else, if you have them first and your foremost thought in your mind of how am I going to serve someone today, the rest of it comes right up, the income comes and all of that. And I will tell you, I've had an experience of I was in a mastermind, I was with people that were phenomenal business people. I felt like I was the baby in the room, I had no idea the language and the vocabulary that they're throwing around. I'm like, writing to my hand is cramping, because I don't know that. I don't know that. I don't know that. And I'm thinking I just gotta take action. And I took massive action, and I'm just gonna put it out there and I'm just gonna do this. I'm just gonna do that. And it was all about me. I never once really thought about the client and who am I serving? And once I stopped the fear of what I could do what I could please what I could perform today. Hurry. Oh my gosh. Once I stopped That the clients like lined up at the door, and were willing to pay and my mouth dropped. I was like, oh, I've heard that before, but I could not understand what it meant. So when people say you have to find out who it is that you're serving, whatever it is that you're good at, if you're a good chef, if you are really great at helping kids on the autism spectrum, if you are amazing, you know, as a business owner, whatever, if you're not serving the people who you set out to serve first in love, your your business will fold. Um, I am not the strongest business minded person, you know, finances and this, that and the other are coming. Those are skills that I can learn and I am learning them. But if I don't have a client, then I don't have a business. So I better love on them and not smother them. But it's this concept of I really can see what it is you're struggling with. I'll share a quick quick quick example. So I had an appointment with a friend who we've known each other for a few years. And she wanted a lot of help in this particular area. So we're going through things and I'm checking off the list. And I'm thinking this is great and known each other and yeah, I'm serving her. Well, she's stopped. And I was like, Oh, I wonder if it sets up more, you know, so I'm doing the self check, like what to say what to say. And she's like, I just can't write my book. I did. We were talking about something completely different. And she's all of a sudden, like, I can't write my blog. And she was getting emotional. And I'm like, boy, she says, I need a ghostwriter. And I was like, I'm a ghostwriter. You are you hired? Oh, my gosh. And she just went crazy. And at my head, I'm like, you are a ghostwriter. But she's your first client. You just kind of said that. You don't really have anything set up. But here we go. And I'm like, here we go. I loved her. I could see her need and I knew I could provide something. Did I have anything built? Did I have a funnel? Did I have a page for it? Nothing. I'm like, let me get you one of those greement contract things to you like I am like, no, oh, what I was doing, but I knew I could. I'm a writer and I knew I could serve her that way. And because I figured it out, if you truly show up, it will be, the timing will be right for you. If you truly love the people who you are trying to serve and help, the business will grow. If you don't, it's not gonna happen.
Joe Pomeroy 20:33
Well, there's, I mean, there's two aspects of of the love element here and that principle, and the first one is that the level of love I deserve and that I am worth is not based on anything external. It is not based on the reviews I get for my book. It's not based on the number of downloads I get for my podcast, and it is definitely not based on my my bank account. The love that I deserve Serve them worth is given to me freely. And if that's the example that I, that has been set for me than the other element of this is that if I offer love freely, to those whom I feel I have been called to support and help, and I just love. And it doesn't matter how many emails they open, it doesn't matter what membership or package they buy, it doesn't matter whether or not they leave a review for something. I just love them. And I serve them because I can. That's how the business grows. And that's what I'm hearing from you. Exactly. All right. So at the end of every episode, although technically not, because if we cut this in half, then well, it won't be at the end of the other one, but that's okay. All right. So two questions. One, if there is one principle that the listeners walk away with today, what would that principle be and to have And listeners follow you keep in touch with you get your book, all that good stuff.
April Giauque 22:05
So the principle I'd like to leave with you today is that you always have a choice. You have a choice to love others, you have a choice to stand in the light, you have a choice to listen to your negative voice, your shame, Shadow, you have a choice to stand in the darkness, you have a choice to be that victim, to be a survivor to be a thriver to be a victor, you ultimately always have a choice. And it comes down to the simplicity of that, not the ease. They know it's not easy, but it is that simple. And if you trust in someone like I do, who has a higher power than you do, you trust in that, put your faith in it, the things will happen it will open up in a way that is the right timing. So you always have a choice. Always.
Joe Pomeroy 22:48
Perfect. Thank you. All right now how do we get in touch with you?
April Giauque 22:51
So you can get in touch with me through my email which is April at April tribe.com. Also through my website at WD ww APR tribe juke, gi A u q, ue calm. And you can find me on my Facebook profile with APR tribe juke or my author page on Facebook people tribe author. So there's lots of different ways but send me an email, click on my website anything like that and I would be thrilled to be able to help you so that you can find your light and kick that a little doubt and shame shadow in the face my girl throat punch and be on with it.
Joe Pomeroy 23:34
I love it. All right. Well, we will have all those links and everything in the show notes. And then your are both your books available on Amazon.
April Giauque 23:43
Yes, they are both available on Amazon. pinpoints of light escaping disabuse and out of darkness, find fuel and living your life.
Joe Pomeroy 23:52
Perfect. We'll have those links in the shownotes as well. April, thank you so much for your time. This has been a real pleasure. Thank you.
April Giauque 23:59
Well, thank you.
Joe Pomeroy 24:04
Thank you for joining us on today's episode. If you found the information helpful, remember to share it with your friends and family. And make sure to subscribe on Apple podcast or your favorite podcast player. You can find more episodes forward with Joe calm. Thank you and we'll see you next time.
Sign up to receive email updates
Enter your name and email address below and I'll send you periodic updates about the podcast.